Random Thoughts of the Day

Today is one of those days where I seem to have a lot on my mind but it's all jarbled. I can't seem to make sense of most of it.

I've decided that I don't really like who I've become. I've become this sad, run down, bitchy woman. I've been trying to fix some of it...medication and whatnot, but I'm not entirely sure that it's helping all that much. Sometimes I think I feel it helping...like I feel myself about to freak out about something...I can feel it building up and then I just stop before the actual freak out. Which is a good thing. But...I'm still so sad all of the time.

I also miss people. I belonged to this great group full of great women. We all talked everyday, laughed together, cried together.... And then...I quit. I left the group because some people made me feel like certain things were more important and that I didn't have time for other things. I let people get into my head too much. And now, I feel like I've lost all of those friends. I miss them. I really do and I have no idea how to fix it. I'm lonely.

Because of the occupation that I have, I feel as if I don't have the patience to deal with my own children. I lose my temper far too quickly with them. I also just want to sit around when I get home. I feel like I'm failing them. I should be teaching my boys how to do things, doing more activities with them...but I'm just so tired and worn out by the time I get home, I don't want to do anything. *sigh* Epic Motherhood FAIL.

Writing is something that I truly enjoy. It's something all my own. But lately, I've been doubting myself like crazy. I've been told so many things that I do wrong by so many people, it's really getting to me. I keep second guessing myself, thinking that I'm not good enough. It hurts so much, it makes my chest ache. I'll figure it out though...hopefully.

I'm just hurting today in more ways than one. So yeah...bitch post over.

I'm coming back! Hopefully....

I really want to get back into blogging...not that I'm sure anyone reads this junk. But for some reason, I think that having a place to post any insipid feeling that I have might be a good thing. I can be myself here...not the person people expect me to be. If I want to toot my own horn about something, I can and no one will judge me for it.

I suppose I'm hoping for this blog to become a place that I enjoy going to. Something I can be proud of. I'll try not to bitch so much if I can...which is nearly impossible sometimes. I'd rather post things I'm proud of...such as fantastic pictures I've taken or an awesome meal I've created.

I'm hoping this can build me up when life gets me down. We'll see....