As selfish as it may sound, I have a basic want that rarely gets fufilled. I want to feel like I matter. I am what is known as a doormat...people tend to walk all over me and only talk to me when they need something from me. And I always do it, that's the thing. Some would tell me to stop, but I simply can't. I know it sucks, but it makes me feel important, like someone actually wants me around, wants to talk to me, wants to be with me. ME...myself...not just what I can do or what I can give them.
When did I become so disposable?
Blue font for my blue mood....
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Recap
I started off this blog a few minutes ago, had it all set up, was happy with the way it sounded. Then what happened you ask? One tiny error on my part caused me to lose the entire thing. Such is the story of my life. So now, I'll try to do this re-cap, but now, it might be a bit more snarky than I had originally intended. Here we go....
Today is Sunday, January 31, 2010. I'm 26 years old, married, have two little boys, live in a small-ass podunk town, work part-time, have a few friends that I hold dear, and am unhappy with my life. I'm not where I intended to be. Who is really? Is there anyone that's just truly happy with every aspect of their life? Probably not, but there's got to be something that should make me excited to get out of bed in the morning. I'm tired of just going through the motions.
I should be happy, I'm well aware that my life could be worse. I got married young, got pregnant with my first son even younger, and never was able to finish college. I love my husband, love my kids, sort of like my job...but there's got to be more than this. Along the way somehow, I've lost myself.
Why am I writing this do you ask? Why am I bothering? Somehow, I wonder if I write what I'm feeling, the random things that happen to me...maybe I'll find the humor, the happiness in my life. Do I think anyone will read this? Probably not. But at least it will be here, right?
Hopefully along the way here, I'll be able to bring myself back.
Today is Sunday, January 31, 2010. I'm 26 years old, married, have two little boys, live in a small-ass podunk town, work part-time, have a few friends that I hold dear, and am unhappy with my life. I'm not where I intended to be. Who is really? Is there anyone that's just truly happy with every aspect of their life? Probably not, but there's got to be something that should make me excited to get out of bed in the morning. I'm tired of just going through the motions.
I should be happy, I'm well aware that my life could be worse. I got married young, got pregnant with my first son even younger, and never was able to finish college. I love my husband, love my kids, sort of like my job...but there's got to be more than this. Along the way somehow, I've lost myself.
Why am I writing this do you ask? Why am I bothering? Somehow, I wonder if I write what I'm feeling, the random things that happen to me...maybe I'll find the humor, the happiness in my life. Do I think anyone will read this? Probably not. But at least it will be here, right?
Hopefully along the way here, I'll be able to bring myself back.
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