Ugh!!

I am super frustrated with myself. I'm a week into this diet and I want to quit. Give up. The End. No mas. I was doing so well...I really was! But today, I just threw caution to the wind and ate what I wanted and it felt frigging fabulous. Now...I feel guilty, but it's still not enough to make me want to stop snacking.

I seriously have no will power. I'm just uber mad at myself. Why can't I just stick to it? AHHHH!!!!!!!!! Yup, that's all I really have to say about that.

*screaming, pulling hair out, stomping my foot like a little girl*

Bitchfest

I feel a desperate need to bitch today, so this will all probably sound like I'm whining and complaining, and to that I say...deal with it or don't read.

I miss writing. A LOT. I used to write RPG things all of the time, I loved it, I really did. But due to some stupid circumstances, I haven't been able to do that anymore. There was a certain person that put down my ideas, my characters, and anything I did so badly that it has made me unable to get any new ideas. I feel as if my creativity has been completely sucked out of me. I can't get an idea for a storyline, a character...anything...NOTHING. This frustrates me to no end. Writing was my outlet...the one thing that was mine. Somewhere I could go where it was just for me. Something that wasn't my husband or my kids. Yes, when I wrote, I escaped into my character's world and yes, my real life was still waiting for me when I was done, but at least I had that for a little while. And now that it's gone...what do I have left that's just for me?

Second bitch of the day...my life. My car, my job, my relationship with certain people...SUCK. I've said many times that I know that my situation could be worse, like a bajillion times worse...I understand that. But there has to be more. And how do I find this elusive "more"? Can someone clue me in on that one?

Third bitch...DIETING SUCKS! Ok, well, this part isn't so much of a bitch...I just miss chocolate. I'm currently on Day 3 of my diet and I'm doing quite well. I need to work in some more exercise though. I'm tired of being, well, me. I want/need to get healthy, so I'm really hoping this will work for me. Oh, cooking...I miss chocolate and cooking. I mean, I guess I could cook, but that means having to cook two different meals. One for all the freaking dudes in my house and one for me. And seriously? Who feels like doing that? BLAH!

Fourth bitch...my own children are still treating me like crap. Goodie.

So that's it. The first blog I've written in a while and it's a bitchfest...oh freaking well.

Hmm....

I don't really know how to describe today. Work wasn't so bad, fairly easy, and the day included a lot of music. After being home sick from work for three and a half days, coming back...I actually got that "wanted" feeling that I so often search for. There were kids that missed me, really and truly missed me.

My own children on the other hand...that is a completely different story. All they do is demand things from me, whine at me, tell me they hate me...and they're not even teenagers yet. I swear somewhere along the way I had taught them manners and respect. Why do they treat me like this? That term "doormat" comes to mind once more.

So basically, today started out alright, not great, but decent. And today, ended like crap. It's getting harder and harder to care.